Some burning questions.

I think smoking is disgusting.  It stinks, it dries your skin, it's expensive.  So why do people do it?  That's the first of my questions.  I used to hang out in bars a lot, though I never smoked.  I always had to shower and wash my clothes.  While I realize being in a bar and smoking outside a bar are two different things, but still.  I am a tutor and have helped some people that just stink.  Even the really clean ones, you know, they shower, do laundry, suck on breath mints, but that smell just comes out.  Normally it smells like the back of their throat.  Yuck.

Another thing I can't understand is smoking in the house.  Then, after a time, it's like you are living in the bar.  I've been to chain-smokers-in-the-house's house before.  You can see the nicotine stains high on the walls and across the ceiling.  It's gross.  And EVERYTHING stinks, no matter how clean your house is.

Cigarettes can make me a little sick these days, too.  It dries out my nose, I am more prone to asthma attacks, etc.  This is where my anger comes in.

My downstairs neighbor keeps smoking in the house.  She quit for a week, and was gone for a week, then today she came home.  I got home from school and that's all I could smell.  It just sends me into a rage.  James owns the house, therefore is her landlord.  He's talked to her twice and I've talked to her once.  How she thinks she's getting away with this is beyond me.  She should have been evicted the first time she did it.  And I'm not letting James give her her deposit back, she broke her lease the first time she smoked.  We let her know we were getting new furniture (In the thought she'd realize if she ruined it she's buying us new stuff) and I'm asthmatic.  She's still doing it.  I get so angry I could just spit.  She's lucky I haven't gone down there and completely yell at her.  But oh, it's coming.

James is going to talk to a lawyer friend of his (who also rents apartments) to figure out what is the best course of action.  I have to leave here in 15 minutes, but before I do that I'm going downstairs to sniff around the door that adjoins our part of the basement to her apartment.  If I smell smoke I'm going down there.  And I'm yelling.

Most of what makes me so angry is that she's breaking the lease, but the brunt of it is that she a)thinks so little of us, and b)thinks we are so stupid that we wouldn't notice.  I'm done being walked on by this woman.  There is a line where being an asset because you pay your rent on time and being a burden because you are impossible to live above meet.  Well, she's crossed it.

Memories

My life in Pocatello and at ISU seems so distant to me now.  I know I'll be back there, and soon, but I can't picture it anymore.  I'm not that girl anymore, so when I try to put myself back in my own shoes, it doesn't happen.  I still don't want to go back, neither to Pokey nor to ISU, but it's the lesser of evils and in then end, I'm not going back to that life.

I was just so miserable there, it took time and space to see it.  But now I do and I want to avoid it.

But it's life now.  And it's good.  And I have 5 months, so get over it.

Happy New Year, and all the trimmings.

New Years Eve was pleasant, albeit uneventful.  I'm sorry, I couldn't think of a better word than uneventful.  I felt like going somewhere and doing something, but we stayed home, and it was nice.  We got into bed at about 11:45 and watched the ball drop, told each other happy new year, kissed, and held hands as we watched something else for a bit.  It was really nice to start the new year with love and a full heart.  It was good.

We haven't done a whole lot since, well, that's a bit of a lie.  We went to Fairfield to see the rest of the family missed at Christmas because of health and weather.  Herb took us on a drive to Solder mountain so I could see it, it's really pretty.  The guy is strange.  I can never tell if he likes me, but when he was taking Jim to their land to view the house plan he invited me then James, then when he was going to pick up Kate and Alex at the mountain he asked if I wanted to go for a ride.  We talked about Scifi movies and books.  I need to brush up. 

We got to hang out with Jim, he gave us gift certificates for christmas and he signed my card "Dad", it warmed my wee little heart.  I love him.  The only problem was we got to the cabin after dark, so it was freezing out (literally 3 degrees) and he had a fire going.  I sat next to the fire and my brain shut off.  Kate and Herb came with the boys shortly after and both boys sat with me in the recliner, so it was warm and snuggly.  It was tough, I tell you.

Now today I'm cleaning and rearranging the house.  It's fun because I feel homey....  I enjoy the feeling of belonging.

I've been feeling the stress of planning a wedding and am trying to separate trying to placate people from what we want.  In the end it's our day, so I need to be kind, hear what other people are saying, think about how I would feel about it, talk about it with James, then make a decision.  Not just go with something because everyone else thinks it's better....  Sigh.  There are a lot of imposing personalities present.  Too bad James and I are so low key.  But I think in the end we can rise above....

Anyway, that's that for a moment.  I think I had another direction to go with this today but am distracted by sun and TV so I'm going to wander off.....