Perhaps some pictures of intrest

I'm bored, and lonely.  Not in that sense, I just finally have some energy and want to go play, but not necessarily by myself.  But then I'm lazy on top of it.  So I'm playing online.  Sigh.  

So here are some pictures if you are bored.  I'm attempting to look at wedding dresses but mostly getting annoyed with Allures website, it keeps crashing, which is making my search difficult.  Also, one of the bridal shops has a "catalog" that some how they don't have on the web site.  They have the links to the other dress sites that their numbers don't match up to.  I think I was able to find the designers of the 4 dresses I liked and wanted to view some more, but since I don't have the number of the dress I'm just searching their entire website.  It's going to be a long night.  

I guess that's fine, since I don't plan on doing much else today.  I'm useless today.  Let's face it.

So here they are, pictures from our respective past, collective pasts, and then simply moments of life.

I've had some fun.  I hope this will show you some of it.

I hope Christmas was good to you, the holidays are merry, and this new year brings all the joy and wonder of a perfect memory.

Edit:  Okay, after seeing the post by itself and it turns out there are a lot of pictures all in a line and no words, so I'm going to write some more.  But as I've just written another whole blog I'm running out of words.  Luckily there's nothing on tv so I'm watching as dumb wedding planning show, ergo I'm thinking about our wedding. 

I so want to get engaged.  Yikes, I sound like a crazy person.

I've never been marriage material.  Okay, maybe I've been that, but I always thought I didn't care if I did get married.  I guess I've never been in love like this.  I thought I had been in love, but I was always waiting for those relationships to end, they were just running their course in a sense....  But marrying those men was never in my head.  And one time it was in my head it was never on stable ground so I didn't focus on it.  Ever.  Now suddenly I have this amazing man in my life that I can trust with anything and everything.  That I can't wait to marry.  I was going to say "that I can't wait to marry and start a life with" but we've already started a life together and are taking more steps in new beginnings together.

We've lived together for 8 months now, and this spring we are buying a house and moving to Pokey.  I moved from there to here 8 months ago, so I'll be moving back, but this is a huge step for James.  He moved from Fairfield to Twin 10ish years ago.  So he's lived in about 2 towns.  It's such an amazing thing that he isn't just willing to do this but is eager.  He just wants to be with me, where ever it is.

But we aren't actually engaged yet.  Damn.  We've talked about it for months now, and have told our friends and family about it.  We've decided to do a save the date card (his idea), we've picked a place (I wanted outdoors in the mountains, he chose the sawtooths), I started looking at invitations (he picked the style), we took our save the date pictures.....  But if I bring up the rings he smiles quietly and changes the subject.  Then I found the ones we had looked at for cheaper and asked if he wanted to go look at it, he said we didn't need to.  So I finally just asked.  He said it's soon.  I don't know what that means.  Sigh.

I'm getting excited, but am trying not to actually think about it.  I don't know.  I can't try to figure out what he's thinking and planning.....

Well, I think this'll work.  Besides, I have other stuff I need to be doing.

Big, fluffy flakes.

Finals are almost over.  Not a moment too soon.  Though my last one isn't actually until tomorrow, and what am I not doing right now?  Studying for my calculus final I have tomorrow.  If I were to study for the rest of the day I'm fairly certain I'd get a decent grade and not have to fear about my finaid.  But I guess I'll go ahead and finish watching NCIS.  Sigh.  I'm such a bad student some days.

Whimper

I'm not sure it's exactly whimper worthy.  But I am definitely feeling it.  I have four more days and finals are over and I have a month off.  I'm not sure I'll make it through, for one.  The stress is really getting to me this semester.  I'm not used to working this hard and only getting C.  It's like these professors are ashamed they work at a junior college so they are making the classes almost impossibly hard.  I'd like to take the time to explain the ratio of knowledge taught to knowledge tested on, but I have other things to do.  Which brings me to my "for another".  Since I'm feeling like no matter how hard I work this semester I'm only going to get a C I've given up.  I can't bring myself to study.  It's bad logic, and I'll admit it, but I'm exhausted.

That being said, here I go.

Stefford

I'm excited, for the first time, about getting married and having children.  I've begun noticing other people and how they are now they have children.  Granted, most of the people that are married with children are mormon, so that probably has a lot to do with it, but seriously.  They post on each others facebook walls how fabulous their kids are, and how things are all sugar and gum drops.  How sweet it is when they dumb the cereal out all over the floor, or when they climb all over the table.  Really the things I don't like about kids (and cats).  And I wonder.  Will I turn into that person?  Or will I still have a brain, and a desire, and passions outside of motherhood? 

I understand what a huge, life changing event child birth is.  It will change my love and my priorities, my view of the world.  But I have things now that I love and am passionate about.  I don't want to lose that and just live for my children.

I went to a party at a friends of mine (my boyfriend's friends that I've come to know a bit) house.  They have been married for a bit and have a 3 year old daughter.  All of their friends are married with children, too.  Except for James.  Until he met me, of course.  The first BBQ at their house after we started dating was traumatizing.  The women all looked at me like I was fresh meat and they wanted to convert me.  I ended up drying the kids after their bath.  Their favorite pass time is going out to dinner with all the kids (three women, 4 kids) and taking care of each others offspring.  "People watching don't know whose kids are whose!!!"  

Yikes.

Not for me.  But still, I'm excited to meet our children (hopefully child).